A Diamond in the Rough

I never claim to be perfect. In fact, even calling myself a diamond in any sense grates on me as about as imperfect a metaphor as I can think of. But lately, I've been thinking about myself and all the different sides of me, and a multi-faceted diamond is the only image that comes to mind. Rough, definitely. I'm not smooth, I'm not suave or subtle. Hell, I don't even think I'm attractive. People, including my Goddess, tell me differently. I'm inclined to admit that there must be something to the idea, and I would not contradict Her without good reason. But this is not about my shortcomings, real or perceived. I'm pondering the facets of the person who I see when I look in the mirror.





I'm a geek. I enjoy gaming, sci-fi and fantasy. I *LOVE* talking Platonic and Aristotelian philosophy with some of my friends. I frequently get into discussions over things like the motivation of characters from Mr. Incredible to Dr. Who. I'm also preppy. I like having an iced chai latte while reading a gossip magazine while sitting in Starbucks. I like walking the mall, looking at sales, judging if an outfit looks good on someone, wondering if it'll look good on me.

I'm a trans woman, which is a dichotomy all by itself. I was born male, but I feel like mentally I'm 3/4 or more woman. I love shopping, high heels, getting my nails done, I want dresses and pearls and to be told how pretty I am. I don't feel the need to be an uber-prissy sissy girl, though it's nice sometimes. I am searching for the balance between tomboy and prom queen.

I'm a financial conservative and a social liberal. I don't vote party lines, and I hold to my beliefs, until I see good and just cause to change. I believe in the right to be armed and the rights of any form of adult, consensual love to be accepted by the state. I want lower taxes, and want the government on any level to stay the hell out of my pants and my bedroom.

I'm both a kinky slut and vanilla.  I want to have both slow, sweet sex, and rough, hard fucking. I want to be told that I'm loved and that I'm a dirty little whore in the same breath. To me, that's not demeaning. It's beautiful and it's hot as hell. I could spend hours being lost in a pair of eyes and a voice telling me how sleepy and drowsy I am, and how much I want to obey. I love losing myself in a pair of soft, freshly clean feet, stroking them, kissing them, letting the soft scent of skin fill me with fire. Sometimes, though, I just enjoy the simplicity of basic sex, then us holding each other as we drift off to sleep.

I'm an adult and a child even at 30. I can take care of myself and make my own decisions. I've worked (with short breaks) for about 10 years now. But I never felt ready for being let loose in an adult world. I still don't understand certain things, like tight control of money or subtlety. I let loose with kids, even exhausting myself with my roommates' 5 year old, who I love with all my heart.

I'm a submissive with a mind of her own. I choose who to listen to from time to time, and who has the gift of my obedience. If I disagree with something from the former, the game is redirected or it's over. If I disagree with the latter, negotiation happens, and then I submit. But my Lady doesn't melt my brain to take it away. She likes that I have my own thoughts, philosophical discussions and inane geeky arguments over things like whether Batman is as hardcore as internet geekery would have you believe. She just wants the undercurrent, the base, as it were, to be in line with things that She wants. And, after 3 and a half years of knowing Her, I trust her fully with my brain.

That's the ones that I think about the most. I'm sure there's others, but this entry is already very long, and I'm weary.

Peace.