Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 5: There are a few things I hope to do. I want to make a living as a masseuse and costumer, being able to travel across the country to various conventions and being able to see friends. I want to have a large happy family. I want to visit other countries; to see the beauty of Japan, Greece and Italy specifically, but I'll find ways to enjoy other places, too.
Day 6: I hope I never have to give up my self-identity again. I lived too long by other people's definitions of who I am and should be, and I realized that every day I did that, I hurt. I'm recovering, and dammit, I'm not doing that again. I hope to never be homeless or alone again. I hope to never have to face darkness like I've lived through in my past again.
Day 7: There are a few people who have made my life better. Most of them are still in it. The 4 specific people I'm naming here have all done similar things for me, and they mean the world to me.
Naomi: My oldest and best friend in the world. When I was young and the target of literally 3 grades worth of tormentors, she would walk with me every day to my mom's car. I don't get to talk to her nearly as often as I like, but she holds a special place in my heart.
Mary: my biological sister, a few years older than me. (I was adopted by a couple that i call my parents as an infant, she went to our grandfather) I met her in 2003 and she has been a major source of support, venting, and me being able to be the younger sister. I miss sitting in her room and talking about what's been going on in our lives.
Lady Ru'etha: I met her in 2007 at my first Dragon Con, and she's been another pillar of support. She introduced me to a great circle of people, and is the first person I knew in real life (once I moved near her) who has really opened my mind to the possibilities of kink and deep and radical self-exploration. Everyone in her circle also fits under this because they've been so awesome and accepting.
Lilikka: Ah, the sweet sexy succubus of awesome! I only know her online, but she has been there for me. She and I relate on a lot of levels, and at times she's a counselor, confessor and best friend all at the same time. She's been there for me during good times and bad, and I hope that she knows exactly how much I treasure her!
Day 8: People who make my life hell and treat me like shit don't stick around very long if I have any say in it. The exceptions to that are:
my parents: They adopted me as an infant. I was their oldest, their only male (so they believed) child. They chose me. Then they had two biological girls of their own, and I guess I became superfluous. Nothing I ever did was good enough. It felt like my sisters were treasured more than I was. I was only worthwhile if I did what they told me to. And for years, I was good at that. Then I had the audacity to start wanting to run my own life, and one night in 2004, they called me home while I was out with friends, berated me and tore me down for 2 hours, calling me a liar, a mooch, and then told me to "get a job, get an apartment and get out of our lives."
My classmates: I was the kid that the unpopular kids made fun of from grades k-11, and that was about the point where everyone basically evened out and stopped being dicks to each other. Once I hit high school, yes, I had a small group of friends, including Naomi, but the damage had already been done. My primary and secondary education was a nightmare, and while I don't wish harm on my tormentors, if I never see most of them again, I won't be too bothered by it.
Amanda: one of my ex girlfriends. She herself didn't hurt me the worst in an individual incident, but the time that we knew each other was horrible overall. She threatened suicide, was very irrational and attacked me physically and verbally. I literally had to pull her out of a Chilis and take her home one night because she almost started a fight, because we were among fans of the college we *ATTENDED*, UL at Lafayette, and our friends were making fun of our in-state rivals, LSU. A 28 year old grown woman. Would have started an actual fight. In public. Over college rivalry. Then there was the time she literally attacked me while I was driving. We were in a small truck, and she went batshit, screaming and clawing at me. Thankfully, we were in her neighborhood, so I was able to keep control of the truck. I had scratches all over my arm. She got a sprained pinky from me trying to restrain her. Then, as I began understanding and accepting that I am a woman, she grew distant and spiteful. The last straw was in 2007, while I was on the phone with her and trying to practice a voice that wouldn't get me called "sir" all the time (*sigh*) and she told me I was going to hell. I hung up the phone and haven't talked with her again since.
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